monsters U

During the glorious time period known as freshman year many incredible things happen and the possibilities are endless (i.e. earning the perfect GPA, hooking up with the track star, rushing the best sorority on campus). But no one ever mentions the harsh reality of the ten detrimental mistakes that will be made that first year of college (in some way, shape, or form).

1.    Hookup-Palooza

Hook upsOne way or another the pools of hook ups become so slim that there is no possible way from not crossing this bridge. You will hook up with at least one person your friends have hooked up with/wanted to hook up with; it is just a reality one cannot escape. Social circles and cliques tend to form (even at huge state schools) and soon you are at the same Frat house every Saturday or that small bar around the corner talking to the same kid your best friend got with three weeks ago. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing unless your friend still has feelings for this person… then it’s probably best not to get with them. Either way many friendships have magically formed or have been destroyed because of the hook up orgy that tends to occur. This can make or break you.

2.    A Night Not To Remember Drunk girlWait I did what?? I don’t remember that… I said that to her!!

These are the usual text messages sent from your phone after waking up and having absolutely no recollection of the previous night occurring. Literally your brain is black… this is one of the scariest feelings that one can experience. Hopefully this happens once or twice but if this is a common occurrence then mazel to you because that means you rage the hardest of them all. My advice is just to learn from you’re incoherently drunken mistakes. Also, don’t stress too much about it because everyone has been there. Black outs tend to spark when a college girl is overly excited about a certain event which in turn leads to taking her drinking ratio to a new unspeakable level. For example, Ally decides to take 10 shots because her favorite DJ is performing on campus, she never takes shots… catch my drift.

3.    Failing Grade
F

The sad occasion of bombing at least one exam is a vital part in one’s freshman year. At first, the reaction will be intensely freaking out and declaring you are not intelligent and how you’re dead meat when the parental units find out etc. After the storm of panic, a cool wave of serenity and clarity hits leading to the realization that you never actually wanted to be an Art historian. I bet the failing grade was in a course completely unrelated to your major, ultimately shining the path to a different career choice, and finding a job you love. Or maybe you just got very drunk the night before a refused to give valuable time to reviewing the course material.  Failure is apart of life and should just be embraced. A bad score may not be the end of the world just the end of a poorly chosen major. Every F happens for a reason.

4.    Freshman Fifteen

Fast food

Young women of today are determined not to become apart of the percentage of females who gain the dreaded freshman fifteen. Sadly, most of us do become an addition to the stats concerning this vile condition. This is all because of the gluttonous dining halls serving unlimited buffet style, all access on campus food stores, and numerous cheap fast food establishments that are a quick drive or drunken walk away at anytime. Look at it as a good thing, you will gain weight and then never want that to happen again so you will put an so much effort after freshman year to be as healthy as possible.

5.    Befriend A Psycho

Psychopath

Now this mistake is tricky because usually the psycho is not initially spotted. They are very good at acting normal. You probably thought, “Wow this person is super chill and we are going to be great friends”. Then things start happening: constant neediness, obsessive messages, inappropriate comments, etc. The crazy comes out and once it’s out there is no going back. How does one get out of this situation before consumed? Simply remove yourself from the equation. Stop responding to the pestering messages or promising to do illegal activities with this person. Just do your own thing and they will eventually catch on.

6.    The Walk Of Shame

Walk of shame

This embarrassing yet empowering journey occurs very early on a fateful Sunday morning from the farthest and sleaziest Fraternity or Sports house found one mile away from campus. The pace is quick and the attire is either a tight party dress from the night before or something that belongs to your night companion. Word to the wise, be prepared for the humiliating fact that if you are seen you will be judged and you are most likely the main topic of the men’s breakfast gossip sesh. There is nothing wrong with having a little fun, just be prepared for a morning jog the morning after in his white button down.

7.    Majoritius

Undeclared“What is your major?”

Through out the year, the answer to this question will change drastically from move in day all the way to the end finals in the spring. Your roommate may start out as a premed student but will end up majoring in Anthropology. College girls already have problems deciding on minor details of life, now we have to declare a subject to study for the rest of our lives? I am sure you can imagine we can’t seem to pick one. Chem may be enough persuasion to decide you are not meant to be a chemist or barely passing calculus will highlight the fact that you will always hate numbers. Hopefully these realizations will become apparent before having to face any damaging side effects.

8.    Miscellaneous SpendingMoney jarMany college girls spend an obscene amount of money on things that really aren’t needed: Sorority wear, extra alcohol, fancy dresses for one formal event, 300$ textbooks that are never opened, fifty dollar sweaters from the bookstore. The sooner you embrace the spending the easier it gets. Hey you may have worn that formal dress once but I bet you looked incredible in it.

9.    The Classic Lockout
Do Not Disturb
Whether you are stuck outside in a towel or your roommate has decided to take over your double for the night with her boyfriend, being locked out is not very pleasant. Losing keys is a struggle because when campus security comes to open the door you are given the “what a dumb girl” stare. And when they make multiple visits to the same location the coldness increases. Now being sexiled is a completely different story. This can happen at any time without any sort of warning. The task is finding a way to kill time when your own dorm room has been taken over. Usually friends help each other out when it comes to the sexiling stage, they offer a movie session or midnight food dash to kill time. So no matter how it happens getting locked out is a typical freshman move.

10. Stealing Frenzy

Aladdin TheifMany college students gain pleasure from stealing anything from their institution to validate the fact that tuition is incredibly expensive. Some steal just for the rush, jamming three spoons from the dining hall in a bag really does the trick from some people. Others steal just to rebel against society because taking the on-sale bag of pretzels equates to sticking it to the man. Beware if caught stealing school products there are disastrous consequences including suspension, fines, or academic probation. So I hope that bar of soap is worth it.

Freshmen

These mistakes will happen but in a year from now you will be laughing about them. So enjoy life as a freshman because it goes by fast. These mistakes just make the journey even more entertaining and unpredictable.

 

 

 

 What Do You Think?

Have you or your friends ever experienced any of these mistakes? What do/did you expect from freshman year?

 

 

 

Dylan Schlesinger Author: Dylan Schlesinger

More Every College Girl

4 Comments

  1. Chelsea Chelsea says:

    I think I made all these mistakes freshman year except locking myself out that didn’t happen until junior year and I did it multiple times!

  2. Jaclyn Jaclyn says:

    3, 5, and 8 are the ONLY things that happened to me freshman year. Perhaps it’s the fact that I’ve been dating a guy that I met at a campus event since two months into freshman year, or because of my fast metabolism [I gained 10 pounds and as soon as I went back home, lost it].

    Some of these, I don’t think would happen within a year [the hookup circle. If you sleep with 5847520 guys in your first year...maybe you won't catch something], and none of my friends went on a “stealing frenzy”.

    But, maybe it’s because of the university I was at, or something. Who knows.

  3. Brittany Brittany says:

    I failed at a few of my first exams and realized how much harder you have to work at some of these classes

  4. Rosa Rosa says:

    I think I have to confess to all of these happening freshman year.. and some of them are still continuing for me, eep!

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